Obama, Are You Listening? This One's for Your Girls

Obama, Are You Listening? This One's for Your Girls

Below the Belt: A Biweekly Column by NOW President Kim Gandy

July 31, 2008

It's hard to believe, but the Democratic National Convention is now less than a month away, and following right on its heels comes the Republican National Convention. This means the media are obsessing, as they love to do, about the presidential candidates' potential running mates.

Sen. Barack Obama, the Democratic Party's presumptive nominee, appeared on Meet the Press on July 27 and was pressed by Tom Brokaw to discuss the criteria, timing and prospects for his selection for vice president. Obama refused to name any names, but he did offer this insight: "I want somebody who I'm compatible with, who I can work with, who has a shared vision..."

Well, I hope that shared vision includes full equality for women, because some of the names that have been floated recently aren't particularly reassuring.

We just had one of the closest primary contests I can recall -- with every last state and territory seriously in play, and 18 million votes cast for Sen. Hillary Clinton. Feminist voters, women and men alike, backed Clinton because they believed she would have their backs if she reached the White House. They were confident that her VP, Cabinet and federal court selections would reflect the equality principles she espoused. Some of these voters almost immediately transitioned to Obama once Clinton threw her support behind the senator from Illinois. But other voters are still grieving the loss of a dream. Others are taking a wait and see approach, and one of the things they are waiting on is Obama's VP pick.

One longtime NOW activist puts it this way, "I have my fingers crossed that Barack Obama picks a running mate who is a partner, who is capable of stepping in, and who is dedicated to the principles of equality."

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Family Rules

As we age, the family dynamic changes.  We, who were the youngsters, have now moved up the familial hierarchical ladder a couple of rungs…to a level that sometimes makes us dizzy…we are not sure how we got there so fast.

We thought that we would always be the tight family unit and that we are special.  Our siblings would always want to be part of our lives, just like before, and the expanded and expanding family would embrace all new members.

The reality is, that although our roots are similar (I say similar instead of the same purposefully), each sibling’s life experience(s) change the ingredients to produce different values, goals, passions, and raison d’etre!

The question is whether or not our elders felt the same way…did the family bond seem to slip through THEIR fingers and they yearned for the unity of THEIR youth, when they reached the top rungs…

Technology is great…it allows us to communicate instantaneously with our friends, acquaintances, and family members around the world…but, it also distances us from them.  In youth, we explore new and exciting geographies, settle down and drift away from the extended family warmth and support we had.

With the passing of each family elder, we run the risk of losing the unity that keeps us grounded.

What gives him the right?

We try so hard to protect our children from harm. We think if we love them enough and arm them with knowledge, personal strength, and support, everything will be okay when they are adults.

Abused, bullied, and manipulated women are never armed with enough tools before, during, and after to be ever be completely “cured”. If victimized women are fortunate or unfortunate enough (depending upon your perspective) to have a child with their nemesis, the underlying stench from that relationship, is not washed away until their child is 18—and even then, there will always be a residue.

Even though the couple is divorced, most abusive men continue to verbally abuse and coerce his former spouse into doing things out of fear and to “keep the peace” for the benefit of the child.

So many of us who have never been in that situation, have difficulty understanding why these women can’t stand up to these men…we can offer support, resources, gentle (and not so gentle) advice, praying that something will stick and the woman will finally be free. All logic disappears

• The vision of the Abused Women’s Advocacy Project is a community without violence where people treat each other with respect.
  Facts
  1. People often use power in a coercive way to control or dominate
  others. This abuse of power violates rights of individuals, negatively
  impacts entire communities and is unacceptable behavior.
  2. The historical imbalance of power between men and women has
  resulted in the current reality that over 90% of the victims of
  domestic violence is female. Men can be victims of domestic violence
  and domestic violence occurs in same-sex relationships.
  3. Domestic violence takes many forms including physical, sexual,
  emotional, verbal, economic, intellectual and spiritual abuse. When
  other members of the family, including children, or community witness
  domestic abuse, their lives, too, are impacted.
  Beliefs
  -People experiencing violence and/or abuse have the potential to control their own lives and can be helped in doing this through support, information and encouragement.
  -Perpetrators of abuse are responsible for their actions. All of society must hold abusers accountable by clearly demonstrating that domestic violence and abuse is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
  -We have the responsibility to model behavior that is nonviolent, use power responsibly, manage conflict constructively. When we embrace this philosophy we encourage individual responsibility for personal and organizational action and growth.
  -Collaboration with diverse community partners is crucial to achieving a community wide recognition of, and response to, domestic violence and abuse. We believe that widespread cooperative education about nonviolence is key to building a community based on respect and ensuring safety for all.
  -Above all, our work must recognize and advocate on behalf of the individuals with whom we serve. All people have the right to live free from violence and domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviors that include the use of control, coercion, and intimidation (physical, sexual, mental, emotional or financial abuse) to gain power over one’s partner. People who abuse come from all classes, cultures, sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, ethnicity, physical or mental ability or age. People who choose to abuse are the only people capable of changing their own abusive behavior.

As the 4th of July sparkles…or am I a Patriot

I definitely am a Patriot’s fan, maybe not so much after the most recent Super Bowl. But I am a sucker for the team and football. So, if there is even a glimmer of hope this fall, I will be right back into it…but I digress.

I’ve been listening to NPR (National Public Radio) and a continuous flow of discussions about Patriotism as it relates to Senator Obama. Does a lapel pin make someone a Patriot or the lack of it remove that distinction? I don’t think a piece of jewelry has the ability to change your soul. That being said, I did have concerns when Senator Obama did not place his hand over his heart during the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag. If he aspires to the Presidency, then a demonstration of loyalty is in order.

After enduring the 2004 Presidential Election and the “flip-flop” politics that were attributed to Senator Kerry, I wonder where the “flip-flop” police are now with Senator Obama “adjusting" his campaign to fit the requirements of the voters he wishes to attract.

Am I a Patriot? I believe I finally realized how much of one I am on September 11, 2001. Having protested the war in the late 60’s, I never questioned if we, as a country, were vulnerable until that day. I know my sleeping patriotism awoke in full, fierce force that day. That does not mean that I blindly accept and approve of everything we do in this country. It just means that I see our strengths and weaknesses, but I would not want to be anywhere else in the world!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!